HELPING WISELY

Ron Gray, Missions & Outreach Pastor

My name is Ron, and I’m a recovering people pleaser.

It’s something that I have struggled with all my life. Actually, that is not entirely true. For much of my life I didn’t struggle with it at all. I just gave in to it because I didn’t know that it was an unhealthy way to live. I participated in it fully and gladly. It feels good when people are pleased with me. I think I even felt that I was somehow honoring God and fulfilling his call upon my life. After all, isn’t a follower of Christ supposed to be committed to helping other people, even to the point of doing so sacrificially?

Back on July 30, as a part of my quiet time, I read the account of Jesus’ ministry as recorded in the first chapter of Mark. Jesus helped a lot of people by casting out demons and healing them. One day Jesus set up a center of ministry out of Simon and Andrew’s home. By the evening many sick and demon-possessed people were brought to him. Mark records that “The whole town gathered at the door to watch” (Mark 1:33).

That’s a lot of eyes and a lot of expectations.

Mark continues, “Before daybreak the next morning, Jesus got up and went out to an isolated place to pray. Later Simon and the others went out to find him. When they found him, they said, 'Everyone is looking for you.'” (Mark 1:35-37) Apparently all those people had returned, bringing with them high expectations. Then something in the passage really grabbed my attention.

But Jesus replied, “We must go on to other towns as well, and I will preach to them, too. That is why I came.” (Mark 1:38)

As I read that verse, it dawned on me that Jesus disappointed a whole town that morning. Having spent time with the Father, he understood his assignment. That assignment was not to meet the expectations of others, but to meet the expectations of the Father.

As I have meditated on this exchange, the Holy Spirit began to teach this people pleaser some important lessons.

Lesson 1: My actions are not to be determined solely by the expectations of others. To be controlled in such a way is a form of bondage. Yes, we help. Yes, we serve. However, we are not required to do exactly what the person we are helping wishes us to do.

Lesson 2: It is in spending time with our Heavenly Father that the murky waters of helping become clear. We are called to hear and then fulfill our Father’s expectations, not necessarily the expectations of others.

Lesson 3: There is a difference between disappointing someone and failing them. Jesus never failed anyone. Though they may have been disappointed, he ultimately served them best by doing his Father’s will. To disappoint someone means we have not fulfilled the expectation they place on us. To fail someone is to not provide something that God has asked us to provide them. There is a profound difference.

Perhaps you have others you are seeking to help in some way. That is commendable! Thank you for doing so. Those interactions can be challenging, particularly if there are ongoing areas of need. If I may be so bold, I would like to offer a bit of wisdom that I have picked up along the way; counsel that may be helpful as you try to determine the best and healthiest way to help.

As the crowd sought to do with Jesus, that person you are seeking to help may try to set your purpose, path, and define your relationship with them based upon their expectations. For the most part, people are not being malicious, they are just trying to address their need as they understand it to be. Instead of letting them set your response, go to your Father and allow him to do so. He sees things much more clearly than you or I ever could.

I have one more example to share with you.

One day, shortly after the Holy Spirit had been poured out upon the church, Peter and John were on their way to the Temple to take part in the 3 p.m. prayer service. As they approached the Temple, a man lame from birth was begging at the Temple gate. He asked Peter and John for some money. He believed that money was what he truly needed. He set that expectation on Peter and John. He believed that if they were going to help him, it needed to be in that way. God had a different understanding of his need.

Peter said, “I don’t have silver and gold for you. But I’ll give you what I have. In the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene, get up and walk!” (Acts 3:6).

Through Peter and John, God met the man’s true need. God does not confine himself to human expectations. When we align ourselves with God, we will give people what they truly need. That is how we serve them best.